Just like she never saw me
by Jadem1122
Summary: Martha's thoughts on the day she confessed to her friends about what really happens at home. Her constant fear of her father and the things that he does to her at night, all the while wondering why her Mother does nothing to stop it. Kinda Dark


**SO THIS IS MY 2ND SPRING AWAKENING FIC YAAY SO THIS IS A MARTHA FIC. I PERSONALLY LOOVE HER (AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT SHE'S THE ONLY BLACK PERSON IN THE PLAY... OK YEA IT DOES LOL) BUT I FEEL SOO BAD FOR HER I MEAN HER DAD? URGH HIM AND HEER STEIFEL ARE THE WORST FATHERS EVER ANYWAY SRRY FOR MY RANT UMM... YEAH BASICALLY MARTHA'S LIFE/ THE DARK I KNOW WELL AND HER TELLING HER FRIENDS ABOUT HER SECRET AND ALSO ABOUT HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER MOM PLZ REVIEW**

Martha's Pov

"For God's sake Wendla No! Papa beats me enough as it is!" I yelled, the truth sliping out from my tongue at long last. They had known the truth, no more hiding, or making feeble excuses, they finally now knew where those bruises had come from.

The accidents that would happen so frequently, like when I had mysteriously 'fractured' my arm, or the numerous thick welts that appeared on my skin whenever Papa came home in a drunken rage.

I said that I was clumsy, I tripped over things on an everyday basis, had poor balance and told them that I bruised easily and of course Wendla the other girls, the teacher's and adults believed me and suspected that nothing was wrong.

And why should they? For who could ever believe that Heer Bessel the local clergy man, who was always so happy and optimistic always looking on the bright side of things would get himself into a drunken stupor every night, sneak into his daughters bedroom and do things to her? _Things_ that should never go on between a father and a daughter.

My bliss soon ended as I realized what I had just said. How could I have told them? Thea who could hardly keep it a secret that I like Moritz Steifil? She was just bursting at the seems to tell him about my crush.

And Anna, she was one of my very bests friends, it killed me not to tell her the truth of what was really happening behind closed doors. Why I was absent from school so much, I knew that she had long ago refused to believe my excuses and so now for her to know it was a relief that I wouldn't have to bear the burden alone any longer.

I knew that Anna would want to help me but how could she? We where only children. I was only 15, no longer a child but barely a women. I couldn't run off from my family. Who knows what might become of me then.

"No... It's nothing." I stated, wishing that I could take back time. It was truly a bitter sweet feeling having them know. If they had told their parents or filed a complaint_ I shuddered forcing the thought out of my mind, not wanting to think of what might happen then.

"What? We're your friend's..." Anna stated confusedly, I sighed and grabbed her by the arm, this was not something as trivial as a new found crush that I was about to inform them on, this was _huge_.

"Well..." I started off hesitantly, still debating on weather telling them was the right choice. "Sometimes when I don't do as Papa likes..." I paused.

"What?" Anna asked, prodding me on to continue. "Some nights, Papa yanks out his belt_"

"But where's your Mama?" Wendla asked.

_(Flashback)_

_"Martha, time for bed now." My mother told me after dinner was finished, I chewed on my lip, thinking of any possible excuse I could make up to stall. "Do you need any help with the dishes Mama?" I asked, instantly standing up and grabbing my plate ready to help her clear away the cluttered pieces of china._

_"No darling, I'm fine. Why don't you go and get ready for bed? Put on that pretty ruffled nightgown that your father brought for you?" She suggested with a smile._

_I remained mute and nodded my head, going into my room. I dreaded this time of day._

_Nighttime._

_It was so predictable, no matter how hard I prayed to God or how good of a daughter I tried to be it always happened. Papa would come into my room after making sure that mama was asleep._

_And I knew for a fact that Mother was not a light sleeper. _

_She was perspective also. Mama always knew if I was lieing or telling the truth in an instant. And so why now she refused to believe what was going on in her own house was a mystery to me._

_Maybe she felt as if I deserved this punishment, or it was possible that it was a normal relationship between a father in a daughter? Although I knew for a fact that there was a difference between love and lust._

_And so I laid down in bed, buried myself under the covers and shut my eyes till they stung with unshed tears, knowing what was about to come in only a few short hours._

_I never slept, sleep seemed nearly impossible to a person like me. The constant worrying, the constant waiting it was enough to drive anyone insane. But with him my father touching me I could do nothing but pray hoping that for once God would hear me and answer my prayer._

_My pleading went unanswered as I soon saw the door fling open. I focused on my breathing pretending to be asleep, He swaggered over to me, his breath reeked with alcohol. __"Martha get up!" He barked._

_I obeyed gladly, anything that would get me out of the night's torture I would gratefully accept. "Yes?" I asked, walking over to him, I gasped as he firmly held me by the wrist dragging me into the backyard._

_"Why isn't the laundry done?" He yelled, I looked nervously at the empty line of sting where today's clothes should have been hung. But I had been so busy cleaning the house and I spent most of the day with Wendla and Anna that I__

_"I expect an answer Martha!" He demanded. I glanced at the grass and the dirt staring at it intently. while telling him that I forgot to do it._

_"You 'Forgot'?" He repeated sarcastically, mocking me. "Well you certainly didn't forget to put clothes on your back today or to eat the food that your Mother cooked for you so tell me why did you forget to do this?" He sneered._

_I remained silent, knowing that it was in my best interest to not say anything._

_"Well maybe after your punished you'll be more likely to remember to finish your chores." Papa then began to unhook his belt and I gasped, my heartbeat quickened as I started to panic. "Papa please no.__" I begged._

_My begging did nothing to cease his rage. He mercilessly brought down the belt onto my backside over and over again. As I tried to block the smacks from coming my hand was hit by the buckle in the process. I howled out in pain, and collapsed onto the ground sobbing when the torture was finally over._

_After a few minutes I composed myself, limply dragging myself inside. My mother glanced at me, a pitiful expression plastered onto her face but as soon as it appeared it quickly vanished, her face turned cold as if set in stone._

_"We have rules in this house. Your Father will not be disobeyed."_

_(End Flashback)_

"My mother doesn't care about me Anna, believe me." I informed her, with a laugh, the idea that she would amused me. "But please you have to promise to me you wont tell anyone!" I begged them. Searching there faces in all seriousness.

"But_" Protested Wendla before I cut her off.

"Just think of Ilse and what happened to her...Living who knows where, with who knows who." I reminded them. "I don't want to end up like her. I can take care of myself."

"Please be careful Martha." Anna begged.

Much to my surprise and disappointment, It was nearly five, signaling for me to head on home. And so I said goodbye to my friends and quickly ran to my house all the while praying that they wouldn't tell.

I opened the door and went inside cautiously, surveying the room. "Martha?" My mother asked.

Slowly I made my way into the kitchen where I found her chopping vegetables to tonight's dinner. "Do you need any help?" I asked, when she responded yes I washed my hands and grabbed a knife, swiftly chopping away at a carrot.

I suddenly lost myself in a day dream, thinking of Ilse. We had been extremely close before she had left. She was the only one who knew my secret until now. We shared the same secret together, what both of our Fathers would do to us at night. We cried together and ofter dreamt of a different world with fairy tales and knights in shining armor, where the boy would always save the princess.

But I knew that none of that would ever happen to me.

Because I was in a living nightmare. Not a fairy tale, there would be no happily ever after to my story.

I often heard from sharing childhood experiences that when Wendla's was little, her Father would check under her bed for monsters, I laughed at the sudden realization that mine was in it.

"Martha are you alright?" Mother asked skeptically.

I nodded my head and gave her a small smile. Knowing that she couldn't care less.

_Mom just smiles that smile_  
_Just like she never saw me..._  
_Just like she never saw me_

**AND SO THAT'S IT LOL I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHY I'M WRITING ALL THESE SAD MOTHER/DAUGHTER SPRING AWAKENING FICS BUT SADLY ALL THE MOMS SUCK! URGH I MEAN ITS OBVIOUS MARTHA'S MUM KNOWS THAT SOMETHING UP BUT I GUESS SHES JUST TOO ASHAMED/ SCARED TO CONFRONT IT I'M SOOOOO GLAD I WASN'T BORN IN 1890'S GERMANY LOL ANYWAY IF YOU READ THIS THEN PLZ REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT U THINK!**


End file.
